Wednesday, 27 July 2016

The Cat-Flap Shining, Road Markings Aren't Just For Show, and Orchestral Manouvers - I'm In The Dark

Well, here we are again.

For those of you who are new to my blog - you are in for a treat; it's not that long a read - and you'll never have to read it again.

Seriously though; if you are reading this for the first time, then welcome. These are the ramblings of my mind and the wide and varied thought processes that lurk within the dark recesses of my brain. Be warned; you never know what you might read.............

So: do cats watch horror movies? I ask, because we have recently installed a Cat-Flap and our cat "Toby" is still getting used to it. In this settling in period, Toby has taken to approaching the external side of the Cat-Flap, peering through the pane, and meowing to come in. 'The external side of the Cat-Flap has a 'hood' - a top and sides that extend out from the door by about 2 inches, and this gives shade to the pane. So Toby approaches the Cat Flap, comes right up to the pane, and meows - but not always; a lot of the time he just stares through the pane.

Now, this might sound quite normal or even cute perhaps - but believe me when I say it is also quite unnerving. The door in which the cat flap sits is white, as is the cat flap (We're not Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen you know), and the aperture of the cat flap is just big enough for a cat to fit through - which makes sense, otherwise it wouldn't work. Add to this, the fact that Toby is black and white and what you have is the fact that every now and then I walk past the door with the Cat flap on my way to the fridge, and as I do my gaze is drawn to the cat flap because a shaft of light comes through it. Many times I have looked at the vacant cat flap, then obscured my vision as I get something out of the fridge, and then as I close the fridge door I am suddenly confronted by the aperture of the cat flap being completely filled by the silent, staring face of the cat.
"Meeoowww!!"

Or, he will just appear out of nowhere. Of course, because he has velvet paws he has the ability to approach unheard, which just adds to the sinister feel of his sudden appearance at the cat flap. I can tell you, that there has been more than one occasion, where my usual greeting to Toby has been replaced with something a little more colourful


I am relatively new to driving. I passed my test in 2009 at the fourth attempt so have less experience on the roads as many of my peers, who did the sensible thing and learn as soon as they were able to. Nonetheless, I am on the road, and although I have a habit of driving not as gently as I possibly should (they say you should drive as if your grandmother is in the back seat holding a bowl of water, and mustn't spill any - well I'm sorry; not only is granny soaking - but she's picking bits of bowl out of her blue rinse), I do my best to be courteous and do all the right things - signal, stay in lane, not plough through a bus queue, those sort of things. So when other road users don't do as I do, I take offence and I say things at them. However, I am also a wimp so I say them in my car, without drawing attention to myself.

So I was driving home from work the other night, singing aloud to my "Paul Simon Greatest Hits" CD (Track 5 'Diamonds on The Soles of Her Shoes' is a particular favourite), and generally being in a good mood. I approached a roundabout, where I was to go straight over. As the road approached the roundabout, it divided into three lanes: left hand lane to turn left, the middle lane to carry on straight, and the right hand lane to turn right. To help you work out which lane you wanted, each lane had an arrow painted on the road pointing in the relevant direction. So there I was in the middle lane, with a car either side in the other lanes. The time came to negotiate the roundabout, and I set off - as did the other cars. But instead of turning left, as it was supposed to do, the car to my left continued forwards and subsequently starting coming closer and closer to my car. As I saw this happening I started saying "what are you doing?" and "Oi!" - but it was no use. In the end, I had to slow right down to let the other car through - and they carried on without so much as a flash of the hazard lights to say thanks. For a while I was unsure as to whether I was in the wrong, and thought that maybe the left hand lane was turn left or go straight on - so much so, that on my way home the next night I made sure to check the left hand lane as I approached the roundabout. I was right - it was only a left turn lane.

I admit I had to cut someone up to get over enough to see properly, but I'm sure they understood.

Finally, a question for all you musical types out there: You know an Orchestra? Is the position of the instruments around the conductor always the same, no matter which Orchestra it is? Or is there free reign for any set of instruments to sit wherever? I know the strings and the brass section for example all sit together, but their position in relevance to the other sections - is that pre-determined. I assume it is, so that the conductor can always now where to wave his Baton (dirty boy!) but am I right?

I suppose, that if it was first come first served, then it would all be a jumble and not sound as good.

Have I just answered my question?

For more of this type of drivel, watch out for my next blog!!