Thursday, 11 July 2013

Suddenly I Need A Wig and A Speedboat.

Do those of us of qualifying age get any warning of the onset of a mid-life crisis? Or do we just wake up one day and wham! We're in a crisis!!

Are mid-life crisis's (excuse the apostrophe but I don't know the plural of crisis) inevitable? Or are they another word for reaching a crossroads of life? Maybe the whole reaching the crossroads of life thing is something completely different? Oh, man wouldn't that be rubbish - reaching a crossroads of your life, only to decide your chosen path and THEN have a crisis? How bad would that be!?

What I reckon happens is that you reach the crossroads of your life, and after much soul searching you start down your chosen path. Then you have a crisis - but while you are dealing with that you get hit by the old age truck ( and before you know it, you are too old to do anything.

I guess the question of whether reaching a crossroads in your life or having a mid life crisis (or both) is really down to you as an individual. It's a 'the glass is half empty/half full' kind of thing. Things are going to happen to you in your life, some good, some bad - and some you can control and some you can't. What matters is how you deal with the stuff that happens to you. If you can roll with the punches and take the hits when they come but still keep on track then I suppose stuff like crisis isn't going to affect you much because you won't let it. Conversely if everything becomes a drama or a problem, and if every bad thing that happens stops you in your tracks, then you will have a mid life crisis and you will be stuck at those crossroads  for a long time as that old age truck steadily bears down on you.

Or that is what I think, anyway.

I'm asking these questions because the notion that I might be due a mid life crisis has wandered into my mind of late.
I have a nagging feeling that I haven't done enough with my life, that I haven't achieved enough. This idea is founded on the fact that most of my friends and family have made what successes of their lives. The wider Lagrue family - my cousins and second cousins etc. are all so clever and appear to be doing well. They have (from what I can make out) interesting jobs, families of their own, a mortgage and a more rounded existence than I would say I have. 

Who knew the secret to a well rounded life was just a mortgage and kids?

My take on things is not an objective one. I am quite pessimistic, and am very critical of myself. I even find it almost impossible to take a compliment. My beautiful girlfriend is forever telling me how handsome and incredible I am as a person - and I always bat those compliments away with a dismissive comment.
And yet I AM an incredible person; in 2011 I started writing this blog, and did so every day for a whole year - that takes an awful lot of commitment. In 2012 I walked over 1000 miles purely for fitness, and I decided to push the boundaries of my knowledge by learning Sign Language. I've continued my learning in 2013 and have my final British Sign Language Level 2 exam next Tuesday. Plus, in May this year I gave a stranger, a person I will never know, the chance of life by donating Bone Marrow to them. I did that of my own free will.

I also have the ability to stand up in front of strangers and make them laugh, and can make people smile with the words I write.

I guess I have a fair amount of regret that I carry with me - but it is a waste of emotion. I can no more go back in time and change the things I've done, than I can nail custard to the ceiling. The trick is to let go, and it's a difficult trick to learn. But learning is what I do, what we all do everyday of our lives.

Maybe I will have a mid-life crisis. If so that doesn't mean I'll be wearing yellow speedos at the beach and buying a MR2 (I think that's a gay life crisis). I don't know what it means, but I'm determined not to dwell on it.

I hear a truck coming....