Friday, 17 February 2012

Ramblings (Not Naked) Of A Bored Man

You'll have to forgive this blog - yet again, I have nothing specific to write about. However, I'm game if you are, do lets see where this goes.

I'll start with where I am; I'm sat at home on my sofa, typing this blog on the App on my IPhone. My laptop is sat six feet away from me, absolutely useless. I can't use it as God intended because its display adapter has failed so I cannot see anything on screen. I have discovered (through information passed to me by a friend) that it is possible to connect my laptop to my TV and use that as my screen. Subsequently, various cables have been purchased to make this technological dream a reality - but these too sit redundant along side my laptop. The problem is that the "port" - to use I.T. Jargon - to which I need to connect the cable to my TV is situated at the back of my TV, which in turn is nestled nicely in an alcove (see the bottom picture below). It was a real pain in the arse to get the TV into the alcove in the first place, and I am loathe to attempt to try and connect the cable by myself (using a hand mirror, and a footstool) as I know that there is a greater percentage chance that I will end up somehow ripping the TV off the wall bracket, than me successfully connecting the cable.

So Al, I'll need your assistance.

Obviously, that is a personal message for the Al in question, and he will understand. Well you will ALL understand it, as it wasn't cryptic, but I only want one Al - THE Al - to respond.

Anyway, what is the etiquette when it comes to updating photos of friends? If you look at the second picture below, you will see it is a picture of my best mate's son, Cain. It was taken about 8 years ago, and obviously Cain no longer looks like that.

I still do - but those are the cards life dealt me.

I've been thinking about updating that photograph with one of Cain and his dad which was taken by me in Scotland last year. But do I keep the old photograph? Or do I throw it out? Would it be considered rude to discard it? Must I keep
Photographs of my friends at various stages of my life, or can I just keep an up to date one?

Also, I have a picture of myself on holiday in Tunisia in 2003. Don't worry, I'm not in a mankini - I'm stood at the end of a boat out at sea. (think of that shot of Robert Shaw in "Jaws", except much, much less cool. And no shark.)
Is that a bit vain, to have a picture of yourself on display? I can understand a group photo where you are with other people (in case you don't know what group means - way to patronise your audience Larry), but a photo of just you - is that vain? I know in olden days, rich people had huge paintings done of them on horseback, or thrashing a servant to emphasise their wealth and standing, but today it smacks of arrogance maybe?

Unless I had a photograph taken of me with a load of other blokes who looked just like me. Then it would be a group photo - but at the same time it would be just me. Genius!

To be honest I am fairly bored. And as a direct result of this boredom, I really want some chocolate. As you all know not one tiny piece of chocolate has passed my lips in 2012, and that is an ongoing achievement that I am proud of. However, I could murder some right now. As I type this, my brain is going through my kitchen cupboards looking for something for me to eat. And when I say 'going through the cupboards', I mean mentally, not literally. I'm not sat here with an empty skull (although from the quality of this blog you'd be forgiven for thinking so) while my brain hops squelchingly from cupboard to cupboard searching for food. For a start, it wouldn't be able to open the cupboards as it has no arms or hands.

Unless of course, it used the power of telekinetic energy from the 90% unused part of the brain to open the cupboards and search......

Anyway, I'm hungry. But I know that I haven't got much in. My options include:

• Eating the contents of a small tin of Tomato Purée.
• Cup A Soup (Potato And Leek)
• A Parsnip
• A Jar of Pasta Sauce

None of these you will note, are sweet. Herein lies the problem. In an effort "to be good", I have removed anything of any tastiness from my kitchen. The only thing I have got that is remotely sweet is a bottle of Summer Fruits squash, and some sweeteners for tea. I suppose I could make a pint of squash and add some sweeteners to it - but it wouldn't be the same as chocolate.

And the high doses of sugar and....whatever they put in sweetener, might have an adverse affect on my enjoyable food stuff starved digestive system. If all else fails I'll nip out and get a packet of biscuits. Or two.

And if I'm going to, I'd better get a move on! I've just realised that it is 9:15pm and I've been typing this drivel for ages.

That's it then, I'm off to buy biscuits - but not chocolate one.

Sad face :-(

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