The Sunday after payday dawned glorious in it's wonderfulness - for this was the one day every month that I treated myself to a Costa cappuccino and some retail therapy. I go to Yeovil, as it is closest - and I don't hang about . I get there at 9am, and am back home by 11:30 at the latest. The reason for this is simple; I hate shopping with loads of other people that seem content to shuffle aimlessly around the shops like a plague of zombies. When I go shopping, I know what I am a looking for, and where I want to go - and I walk at pace, so can't be stuck behind slow moving numpties.
So, there I was in Costa enjoying my "usual" - a medium cappuccino and a blueberry muffin. The shops don't open until 10am on a Sunday, so I had plenty of time. I wasn't in a hurry, because it was freezing outside, so I sat back and enjoyed my coffee.
I was still without my mobile phone, and in the absence of an obvious clock in Costa, I had no proper idea of the time. I tried to estimate what the time was and, when I thought it was almost 10am, I left Costa and took a walk around the shops. In less than 5 minutes I was back inside Costa; it was only 9:45am, all the shops were shut, and it was still freezing!
One small Latte later, the shops were open, and I was ready to roll - just as soon as I had spent a penny. Once that was done, the shops were all mine.
I only had two stops; HMV, and Matalan. All I needed was DVDs and clothes. In HMV I picked out a couple of movies, and then drove over to Matalan.
When I got to Matalan, I became suddenly aware that I needed the loo again. This surprised me, as I had only just been in Costa (and when I say 'in Costa' I meant in the toilets, not I went where I sat). It was like my body had amnesia or something.
Whatever the reason, I had no time to ponder the mysteries of the human body. I needed to go - and fast!
Fortunately, Matalan has a toilet - only one, for both sexes and both able bodied and disabled shoppers (apologies if either of those terms are not politically correct). Unfortunately, when I got there it was engaged. This was not good - there was a race going on between my need to answer the call of nature, and my ability to clench - and my muscles were losing ground. After what seemed an eternity, the occupier of the multi-ability, cross-gender facilities appeared, and vacated the area. I rushed in, and found myself in semi darkness as the lights were not on. Fortunately, there was a light cord right in front of me - a very low hanging, red light cord. "That's a strange colour for a light cord", I thought as I pulled it......
It's remarkable thing fear; it can override all other emotions, and all physical needs. As I stood there in the darkness, trying to figure out what that constant 'beep' noise was, I didn't have the urge to go to the toilet any more. All of a sudden, it wasn't that important - but what was, was the need for me to get out of that toilet. I left hurriedly, but didn't leave the store. I calmly picked up my basket and went shopping.
Incidentally, the alarm I heard in the toilet was now audible throughout the store. I tried to look confused and surprised like the rest of the shoppers as various members of staff headed past me in the direction of the toilet - and the presumed disabled person in danger. My escape guaranteed, I got my shopping (a hoodie and some work socks - woo, go me!) and got out of there.
I got home, and then went straight out again - on the third 7 mile walk of the weekend. This one was tough, as my feet hadn't really recovered from the two 7 mile walks I had done the previous day. By the time I got back, I was limping badly, and my feet felt like they were on fire. And the last mile of these 7 mile walks always seems much, much longer than all the rest.
I did nothing else for the rest of the day except sit with my feet up going "ooh, my aching plates!" (Plates of Meat = Feet. Cockney Rhyming Slang).
Oh, I also said "I wish I had my mobile" quite a bit too.