Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Hornby Railway Trees In The Thin Layer of Lava Just Below The Magma Following An Eruption

If 'Going Without' was an Olympic event, I would be the World Record Holder. Not only am I not having any Chocolate, Money that lasts me a month, Luck with women - and therefore Sex, New Clothes, Luck on the Lottery, Extensive choice of ingredients with which to cook a variety of interesting and new recipes, Or any sort of hope of getting my Laptop fixed - but yesterday I didn't have any pancakes either. On Pancake Day itself .

What a Git.

Mind you, I live in hope for that glorious day when my numbers come in, I have a shopping spree, get dressed to the nines, meet a woman, bring her back to my place for a fabulous meal cooked by myself, and then have a chocolate fuelled shag-a-thon.

Which I will then post a video of on YouTube and Blog about using my new Laptop.

But in the meantime: Pancakes.

Although missing out yesterday, I shall not be denied. This weekend, once I have been paid, I will buy the ingredients (and if necessary, the equipment) with which to make pancakes. I have a recipe from a cousin for fabulous savoury pancakes, and I can't wait to try it out. But, like a Bus Driver who ignores passengers requests to disembark, I'm not stopping there - oh no no no!

I have been told, that APPARENTLY the same mixture you use to make pancakes, can also be used to make other things - Yorkshire Puddings and......generic batter mixes. Of course, I laughed such talk off as heretic babble, and then punched the person for lying to me.

Well mix me with two eggs and pour me in a frying pan - it turns out that my colleague with the broken nose was right! So not only will I be making both sweet and savoury pancakes this weekend, but I will also be attempting to cook Toad In The Hole - and possibly a full Roast dinner with Yorkshire Puddings!!

I know!! Check me out!!

But my newly ignited interest in batter mix, has raised a weighty and unavoidable question:

Actually, two questions. (Please try to keep the feeling of suspense in your minds)

Firstly, why is Toad in The Hole called that? And secondly, what else can you put in a batter mix, apart from sausages? And what would you call it?

That's three questions, I know.

'Legend' has it that Toad in The Hole is called that because the Sausages look like Toads peeking out of a hole. That may be - if you've got cataracts, but to me, and most people I assume, they don't look like Toads. If anything, they more like snakes, or fat, brown slugs. The trouble is, "Fat, Brown Slugs in The Hole" doesn't sound too appetising.

I have known and enjoyed Toad in The Hole for many years - but why is it always Sausages? Why has no-one tried anything else? The possibilities are almost endless - not only for meat, but for vegetables as well. Fish might be a bit iffy, however.

But there are definitely options available. I'm fairly adventurous, so may well experiment this weekend. I'm sure I could do something with different meat or vegetables - or even both.

But what to call it? Do I have to keep it "In The Hole"? (We've all asked that question) Maybe I could create something "In a bog" - not the toilet type - or "In a ditch" perhaps. Or, what about "In the thin layer of lava just below the magma following an eruption"?

I like that - I think that works. So all I have to do is decide what to call the sausage replacement. I think, I will have to go with the following:

Meatballs = Dung Balls
Mince = Termites
Bacon = Squashed Frog
Chicken = Albino Whale

Broccoli = Hornby Railway Trees
Cauliflower = Brains
Brussel Sprouts = Footballs
Leek = Missiles

So, this weekend I might cook Brains in a Bog, Termites in a Ditch, or Hornby Railway Trees in the thin layer of lava just below the magma following an eruption.

Sounds tasty, eh?

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