Friday, 24 February 2012

Alarm.....and Deadly Silence

You know when you change your alarm time at the weekend? When you put it back by an hour or two, because you know you don't HAVE to get up that early - in fact you don't actually need to set the alarm at all, but you don't want to 'waste the day' by getting up late?

Why is it, when we want to set the alarm for 7:30am, but accidentally set it for 8:30am that we never leave it, and have to advance the time around again until it gets to 7:30? And always as fast as humanly possible? How many times have you, or a loved one been hunched over your alarm clock, rapidly pressing the hour advance button as fast as you can?

God forbid you waste 22 seconds of your life steadily advancing the time until it is correct! No, it's much better to try and do it in 3 seconds flat - that is unless you have one of those "fancy" alarm clocks where you hold the button down and the time advances automatically really fast.

And I don't mean time everywhere, just on the alarm clock. If there was a button that could advance time in general, husbands and boyfriends everywhere would try and make it into the bedroom whilst being bawled out by their wives / girlfriends just so they could fast forward through the argument.


Mind you, if you're a bloke you know when you are really in trouble, when you see your missus cleaning fast. When the fast cleaning starts, it's time to leave the house - perhaps forever. They scrub away at breakneck speed (and it's called breakneck speed because that is what they are thinking about), with tears of hurt and rage streaming down their face - and as blokes, what do we do?

We say 'you alright?'

Now, we know the answer to that question even before we've asked it - and yet we still ask. And we ask it genuinely because way back in the beginning of the relationship, we were the one who would comfort her when she was upset, we would be her rock - so instinct tells us to comfort her now.
Never mind the fact that it is us that has upset her in the first place!

So we ask 'are you okay?' and we get the most ominous answer in the history of ominous answers:

'Im fine.'

So now it's one word answers. Single syllabul islands in a sea of silence. In many ways, an angry and upset woman is very similar to the "Doodlebug" bombs of the Blitz in the second World War. They would have a limited engine capacity and would cut out just before falling to earth and exploding. And it was their silence that was the most terrifying - because you knew the explosion was soon to follow.

Which is why a woman cleaning fast and not saying much is an indication that things are about to get much, much worse.

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