Wednesday, 4 January 2012

The Tin of Temptation - It Must Be Destroyed!! (or given away)

These are testing times my friends, make no mistake. After the gluttony of the festive period, many of us have started the New Year determined to make amends. The Spirit is willing, but our bloated, flabby bodies and our appetite for sugary crap is weak. Very, very weak.

I too have started this New Year resolute and determined - and I have set the bar high. For this New Year I am going without Chocolate!!

Yes, you read right; I, Larry "I love Chocolate so much I'm thinking of changing my name to 'Kitkat Whole-Nut McWispa'" have given up Chocolate. Not one atom of Chocolate has passed these soft, yet manly and hugely kissable lips thus far in 2012, and that is how it will stay.

At least that is the plan - but the plan is under siege.

On the 2nd January I visited some friends, and they very kindly gave me some presents. One of them was a large tin of Cadbury's Heroes. Those of you reading this who just said "oh I like those" - I heard you, and you are not helping.

You see, I like them too - and having that tin sat in my kitchen is testing my resolve and willpower.
At the moment, money is a bit tight. Infact, its more than tight - it is non-existent. This is because I over spent when I went to Essex for Christmas. I have managed to get enough food in to give me meals until payday (there's a lot of tinned stuff) but I can't just eat loads when I want. I do have money at my disposal, but it is not really my money - its my overdraft. I will have to dip into it at some point, but not until I absolutely have too.
The upshot of all this is that I have my dinner, but am invariably hungry later on, and when I am hungry, that tin of chocolates calls to me.

I cannot lie and say that I have not been tempted: yes, I have opened that tin, and have bent over its contents and sniffed its sublime chocolatey aroma. And yes the smell of those chocolates coursing through my nasal passages was a delight - but I have not eaten any of them.

But my strength is failing me. Each time I pass that tin, the urge to rip off the lid and gorge myself on its contents grows stronger and stronger. It's like the hexagonal coffin of a Cocoa based vampire, and I am being drawn towards it against my will, but I am almost powerless to resist. I need to drive a vegetable stake through this vampires heart to rid myself of this evil. I would suggest a Garlic stake - but that is too obvious. How about an Asparagus spear? That works.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

In truth I am removing temptation from my home - by taking it to my work. My boss has three kids who will easily devour the entire tin in one day, thus saving my soul (and waist line).

And so I will carry on with my abstinence of chocolate. The first few weeks are the hardest, then it gets easier.

Allegedly.

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