Sunday, 22 January 2012

Peanuts, Wombat, Pub Names, Wrong Sexual Practices, and Medical Based Embarrassing Recognition....

You are going to have to bear with me, as I have a lot to try and remember. If I tell you that I have had to make notes, you can appreciate the amount of information I am trying to recall. All I can say is that this blog relates to this weekend, and the House Party I went to.

Firstly, I have kept up with my walking regime and have walked 24.77 miles this weekend. This included 2 walks on Saturday - one of which was spent in the company of The Best Dogs In The World. So far this year I have walked 81 miles, which is almost as much as I walked for exercise in 2011.

The rest of my thoughts of the weekend are consumed by the memories stored from the House Party, which was thrown by two lovely friends of mine Alyn & Emma. I had been invited to come along to the party, stay over, and then have lunch with them today. So I did.

I arrived just before 8pm, and found that the front door was open and my hosts were nowhere to be seen. Luckily there were some other guests already in the living room (or lounge), so I went an introduced myself. These people I met were Alyn's Brother Thomas and his girlfriend Steph who live in Exeter, and Alyn's friend Dan, who likes to be called Lenny, and lives in Wales. Actually, I don't know if he likes being called Lenny, or if that is just what everyone else always calls him - for all I know, he could hate it.

So after we did the polite stuff - where do you live, what do you do etc. (it turns out that Thomas works for the same company in Exeter as a woman I met for a date last year - small world!)  we were getting along fine, and an unspoken agreement regarding the level of comfortableness we had with each other was set in place. By this time, Alyn and Emma - with baby Fern in tow - had joined us, so I nicked Fern for a cuddle and continued chatting. We had some background music to add ambience, and a slideshow of pictures of Alyn and Emma from past and present, to add a narcissistic quality to the evening. In truth, the photos gave us plenty to talk about.

Now without going into too much detail, there was a healthy amount of banter flying around, and some of the topics covered included:

Me being, or looking sinister (or both) and the opportunity therein for me to open a sinister sweet shop with blacked out windows.

The striking resemblance Alyn had in his youth to the legendary Porn star, Ron Jeremy. And by resemblance, I mean facially - I can't vouch for any other similarities that may or may not exist.

The merits of perversely wrong sexual acts such as the 'Donkey Punch', the 'angry Spiderman', the 'Superman', and the 'Space Dock' - and possible "adjustments" that could be made to some or all of these to improve them. Improve them for who - I don't know....

Suitable names for a pub that I (still continuing the sinister theme) might want to open. These included, 'The Cheeky Sniff', and 'The Peanut Spitter'. The inspiration for 'The Peanut Spitter' came from another friend - Ruth - who turned up at the party and was eating peanuts, and we joked that she spat one out. She was only eating the whole peanuts and said that she didn't like the half ones. She also reckoned that if you shook the tub, all the whole peanuts would come to the top. Obviously, a lot of wine had been drunk by then, because she was talking rubbish.

Some of the other people said they agreed with her on the peanut thing - but they must have all been pissed too.

Now, Lenny works as a trainee theater assistant/operative (I forget the proper term) and had assisted on many types of operations - transplants, bypasses, amputations...and some gynaecological ones. There was an awkward moment when Ruth heard this, and immediately asked Lenny if he had worked at the Gynaecology clinic at the local hospital. Luckily, Lenny hadn't - but Ruth went awfully pale for a moment when she thought Lenny was going to say to her "Put your legs wide in the air.....yes! I thought I recognised you!"

Throughout the evening, more friends arrived - some friends I had known when I lived in the village, and some of Alyn and Emma's friends. A couple called Jeremy and Lottie joined us briefly - in which time I managed to ignore Jeremy's name and call him Thomas on a few occasions. Jeremy was aged in his late forties - but after he had left, I was told that he was thought to be younger than me! I wasn't having any of that - there's no way I was older than Jeremy!

This was backed up by the fact that later on Steph said that she thought that I was A) about 35, and B) lovely. She went on to say that she would mention me to her friend 'Fit Becky', as she (Steph) thought that Becky would like me too.

Yes, Steph had been drinking a lot by that stage too.

The night whizzed by, and when it came to retire for the night we discovered it was 2am! I was sleeping on the corner sofa which, although very comfortable, was quite hard to sleep on because I'm not used to sleeping with my body in a semi circle. Plus the heating was on, so I was roasting! Not that I am ungrateful - it was very kind of them to let me stay over.

This morning I awoke slightly the worse for wear. I think it was the whisky I had just before going to bed. However, the pounding headache was soon alleviated by a fabulous cooked breakfast. The plan was to take Alyn's son Dylan out for a walk in the fresh air, and then come back and have roast dinner. I nipped home to change into my walking clobber, and I agreed to meet Alyn, Dylan and Lenny at a pre-arranged place.

In due course we met up, and took our walk. Along the way our talk had an animal theme to it - we discussed how to enrage ostriches, the insecurity of a self conscious Wombat, and how the Patagonian Fainting Goat thwarts predators by fainting. This is similar to how the Possum feigns death, but is much less convincing. However, Fainting still works for the goat as the predators generally no longer want to eat the goat after seeing how pathetic it is.
This is similar to the Bolivian Pleading Toad which, when cornered by a predator, puts on such a miserable display of begging for its life (including wringing its front feet together), that the predator walks away as this is the only way to stop the pathetic whining.

Soon enough the walk was over, and we returned home to have lunch. Lenny and I assisted in the preperation of the roast by peeling and chopping vegetables. And expertly done they were too.

Lunch was amazing - yet again I was inspired to expand my culinery skills.

And then that was it - time to go home. I truly had an amazing time: I made new friends, saw some very special old friends, and discovered what a 'Donkey Punch' is.

What a great weekend!

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