Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Deep Heat Profiteroles

As I write this, I am in considerable pain - although not the pain I expected to be telling you about. You see, over the course of last night while I was sleeping I managed to pull a muscle in my back. Whether I slept in a strange position, or whether that particular part of my back was exposed and got a chill, I don't know - but whatever happened I awoke this morning in pain.

This pain did not ease up all day, so after my dinner tonight I decided to have a shower to try and relax my back. I would have preferred to have had a bath, but as I only have a shower I was like a man eating in a restaurant that only served one dish: I had no choice.

The shower was nice, but my back was a bra strap or a child that wouldn't do as it was told - I was still having trouble with it. Then, suddenly, a lightbulb of inspiration illuminated above me; Deep Heat.

I have a tube of Deep Heat pain relieving cream in my bathroom, so I decided to apply some to my back. The end of the tube was a bit 'crusty' so I had to squeeze quite hard. Subsequently, more cream than I had intended came out of the tube. However, not being a wasteful chap I decided to use all at my disposal and proceeded to rub the cream into the affected part of my back.

That's the trouble with Deep Heat - because you don't use it very often, you forget how strong it is and how little you actually need to use.

The affected part of my back started to warm up nicely - and then got hotter and hotter and hotter. Soon every inch of skin that had come into contact with the cream was burning - so much so that I had to check in the mirror that I wasn't getting a rash or burns. It felt that hot.

Gradually the burning sensation died down leaving a deeper feeling of hotness in my back. I don't know if the reaction of my skin was normal or whether the cream was out of date or something. Knowing me, there is a chance that the cream was past its best. Or if it isn't that, it must have been the volume of cream used on such a small area. I'd had enough cream to fill a couple of packs of Profiteroles.

Mmm......Deep Heat Profiteroles.

I am still in pain, and my back is not feeling right. I may have to employ the services of a hot water bottle tonight to try and ease my back. I'd much rather employ the services of Cameron Diaz - hang on though; with my back? That would only be a disappointment. Mind you there has to be a first time for everything...

Recently, I have once again taken a few tentative steps into the world of the Dating Website. Before you laugh, remember that I met the love of my life through a dating website and although I messed up that relationship, I know I will never love another woman like I loved her. I'm sure I will love again, but she was something else.

Anyway, I've had a few conversations with people on this particular website I'm on - and I have had a date, although it didn't work out. But I was looking through the list of local members when I saw one who admitted to being an Agoraphobic - a person who is scared of going out. Now I'm no expert, but wouldn't being scared of going out hamper your chances of meeting someone? - even on a dating website?

Think about it: at some point, if you meet someone online, you are going to have to meet in person for a date. The general concensous is that the first meeting is in a neutral public place, but if you are Agoraphobic that's going to be a little bit difficult. And you are advised never to meet someone at their home, or invite them to yours incase they (or you) are a nutter. I suppose an Agoraphobic could invite someone to their home - but not let them in and just talk to them through the letterbox, but that's not ideal, is it?

I know I shouldn't make fun, and Agoraphobia is a horrible thing to suffer I imagine - but an Agoraphobic on a dating sight seemed odd to me. What would happen if you met a Schizophrenia sufferer? If you agreed to meet up, would it technically be a double date?

Sometimes, the world is a flat fish you don't know.

(A strange Plaice)

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