Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Appetite Vs Memory Multiplied by Dog Personality....and Lazy Lightbulbs

This shouldn't be too long a blog, as I have only got two things to write about.

Now, when it comes to food, I'm not a waster. For example; if I am having soup and a sandwich for lunch (a very nice combo - but not to be confused with soup IN a sandwich, which is an altogether much trickier meal), and am making my sandwich while the soup cooks, any crumbs - of both the bread and the sandwich contents - will be added to the soup while it cooks. If I am just making a sandwich, all crumbs will be swept into the palm of one hand and scroffed. Only peelings ("nothing more than peelings.....") will be discarded.

So knowing now that I hate waste, you can well imagine the nasty shock I got after tonight's dinner. Tonight I had meatballs in pasta, with mushrooms cooked in butter. As I have already declared this on Facebook, many of you will already be aware of this. What you will not be aware of is the fact that I put a chopped onion in with my meatballs, to add a little something to them.

It was onion.

So dinner was consumed very nicely, and then I washed up (good husband material, ladies) and cleaned up. A little while later, I came into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, when I noticed a piece of cooked mushroom on my cooker. I tend to be a bit of a messy chef, so it was no surprise to find this morsel.

With the taste of tonights dinner fresh on my tastebuds, I picked up the bit of mushroom and ate it. As soon as the mushroom entered my mouth, the following happened in a millisecond:

My brain had told my tastebuds that they were about to taste mushroom - possibly with a hint of onion, butter, and Bolognese sauce.

My tastebuds tasted the mushroom - but something was wrong: it didn't taste like mushroom - not like mushroom at all.

Confused, the tastebuds rang my brain and said that that piece of mushroom tasted odd, but they didn't know why. My brain said it would check back through recent archives for any clue as to why the obvious piece of mushroom, wouldn't taste right.

Meanwhile, the piece of mushroom quietly and unassumingly made its way to the back of the mouth to be swallowed.

My brain rang my tastebuds back and said that had discovered why the piece of mushroom tasted odd. Apparently, I (Larry) had sprayed the cooker top with kitchen cleaner with bleach in, before wiping it over. I did this after washing up (according to the memory division, who were just back from lunch break). That piece of mushroom must have been sprayed with bleach, but not picked up by the cleaning cloth. Brain asked the tastebuds where the piece of mushroom was now, as it probably shouldn't be swallowed.

Tastebuds replied that they had last seen the mushroom at the back of the mouth.....

At this point, the muscles used for swallowing said that a suspicious piece of food had just been swallowed and was now on its way to the stomach.

The stomach, upon hearing its name, shouted up asking what the matter was, and what was going on.

Realising that there was nothing to be done now, the tastebuds, brain, and muscles for swallowing all replied in one voice, "oh, nothing - don't worry'.

So yes, I swallowed possibly the cleanest piece of food I've ever eaten - followed by a couple of pints of water.

But that is another problem of mine - I'll eat first, then ask questions. I'm like a dog in that respect; if I'm hungry I don't think about what it is until after I've started eating it. I used to be called 'Larry Leftovers' - for good reason.

I have lazy lightbulbs. There is a definitive variance in the brightness of the bulb in my bedroom light tonight, than there was yesterday. Tonight it is much brighter. I'll tell you how I know: I usually write my blog lying on my bed with my bedside lamp on. Yesterday, I thought I would put on 'big light' too - but it was so dim, as to make no difference really. But tonight when I put 'big light' on it was really bright!
Now what is that about? Is it bulb apathy? How can one bulb be brighter than the previous day? I can understand it getting dimmer, but not brighter.

Maybe its a Benjamin Button bulb - you know the film 'The Secret Life of Benjamin Button'? in which a baby is born as an old man, and as he goes through life he gets younger instead of older. Maybe it is like that with this bulb?

Whatever the reason, it is odd.

Well, this blog was longer than I thought. And I can still taste bleach a little.

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