Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Right Up There With Repeated Kicks To The Groin.

We all have lists - good lists and bad lists. Good lists are lists of things we like - favourite holiday destinations, the best films we've seen, celebrities we find attractive, etc. etc. and bad lists are the same (but with bad things). We can have specific lists for different types of things, but all our lists can be combined into a super list - one for good, and one for bad.

Much like the way the Power Rangers used to combine to form a super Power Ranger....thingy.

Throughout life, we amend these lists through our experiences; we add things, and remove things; and sometimes certain things swap lists even.

Today, I added something to one of my lists: Emmental Cheese.

And it didn't go on a good list.

I had bought some grated Emmental the day before on the spur of the moment (way to go, implusiveness!). I had never tried it before, and as it was on "special" I thought I would give it a go. It looked quite innocent as it sat in the fridge waiting to be used.

Today, I decided to come home for lunch and have some cheese on toast, using the Emmental. While the bread was toasting, I opened the Emmental. This was my first mistake. The aroma that met my sense of smell was unique to say the least. Whilst I definitely got the cheesy part of it, there was also something else - lurking menacingly beneath. The description on the packet described the aroma as having a 'hint of nut' to it, and although this may of been psychosomatic, I thought the additional smell reminded me of water chestnuts - like the ones you get in Chinese cooking.

Wary, but willing to carry on, I put some grated Emmental on the toasted bread and put it under the grill to melt. That was my second mistake.

Soon enough, it was ready. I put it on a plate (I'm not a slob) and sat down to eat it. The first few mouthfulls were okay - my tastebuds were saying to me "okay, we are not really sure about this but we will give you the benefit of the doubt" - but I still wasn't convinced.

Then, a few mouthfulls later, I was convinced - very quickly - that this wasn't a good idea. I had a mouth full of the melted Emmental and toast when suddenly, my tastebuds all shouted "NO!!" and at the same time my gag reflex said "you try to swallow that, and me and you will fall out - and so will the contents of your stomach".
Without hesitation, I got up, went into the kitchen and spat my food into the bin. The uneaten remainder of my lunch followed it.

I already know that the smell of that cheese will from now on make me gag, so I will not be eating that cheese ever again. It really was unpleasant, and has rightly earned its place amongst other unpleasant experiences I have had such as going to the dentists as a child, being high up, and thinking about my ex wife.

I hope to have a pleasant experience soon to counter act today's events.

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