Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Absorbent Earrings, Overly Conscious About My Jeans, and If You Want To See My Best Driving - Don't Be In The Car

Firstly, this question popped into my head when I noticed the earrings that a colleague of mine was wearing. In truth, the question that SHOULD have popped into my mind was 'why is Mark wearing earrings?'

I jest of course - it was Mark's daughter that was wearing the earrings, earrings in the shape of a rose. I don't know what they were made of, but it wasn't Gold or Silver.

So I thought, why could you not have earrings for people with sensitive skin that could absorb perfume, rather than have to dab it behind the ears as many women do?

Some women dab it behind their knees - but that's another story.

You wouldn't be able to do it with Gold or Silver earrings as it would affect the metal - unless there was a small piece of absorbent material on the earrings that could have the perfume applied.

But would that not work? There must be women out there who cannot wear perfume normally? This could be the answer.

A Nobel prize? For me? Thankyou!.....

Now, my work jeans - they have a hard life really. At work, I don't really care what happens to them. I spill stuff on them, kneel on the warehouse floor in them, scrape them against pallets and boxes etc. At home it is not much better; they get washed on the coolest temperature so not all the stains come out, are never ironed, and only get a cursory folding when I can remember. They are, after all, my work jeans - not my best jeans (which live in a jewel encrusted cabinet with an engraved sign that reads "Are the people you are seeing tonight really worth wearing these for?")

So my jeans have it rough. As a result of this, however (and my expanding waistline) , the zip on my jeans now doesn't stay up for very long. Subsequently, I have now got into the habit of checking their height on a regular basis and restoring them to their official starting position.

Megan Lagrue - I have a memory of you sending me a link to a webpage with a cunning way of solving this problem. Was that as a result of a previous blog on this subject (and am I therefore repeating myself), or one of my random status updates on Facebook?

Whilst I can happily perform these checks at work, in the relative privacy of the warehouse, it is far more difficult to do so out in public. Now my flies are not falling open every few minutes, but there have been occasions when a gentle breeze has been felt whilst out and about. The trouble is, that I cannot just reach down and remedy the situation the moment I notice because if I am anywhere near another living soul, I assume that they will assume that I am touching myself, and will call the police.

So whilst I am out and about in my work jeans, I sneakily check the height of my zip with my index finger every few minutes to see if it is moving down (because a man pointing at his groin is much less weird.....). If so, I take an executive decision to 'sort myself out' as quickly as discreetly as possible.

But still, I am ever conscious of the fact that at any given time out in the street on a workday, I may be "flying low".

Finally - I've not been driving very long, and while I am confident driving, I appear to get worse when someone else is in the car with me.
And I know why; its because I am trying so hard to give my passenger a smooth ride. In fact, I try too hard and make a pigs ear of it.
On my own, I am a lazy driver - my gear changes are jerky, and my braking and acceleration is not smooth. It's not terrible, but it could be better. The trouble is, I try too hard to correct my lazy habits, and that just makes me appear worse than I actually am.

I will endeavour to tighten up on my driving skills whilst I am alone in the car, so that my next passenger has an enjoyably smooth journey.

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