This might not work....
I am sat at work yet again waiting for a lorry that hasn't arrived when it should have done. As it is past my official finishing time, I thought I would write my blog. It is immeasurably easier to do so from my PC at work than it is to do on my phone at home.
I do have a laptop at home, but it is broken (I've told everyone this - where have you been?)
So as I said here I am writing my blog, or at least trying to. This is my second attempt - my first was thwarted by a sudden and repetitive error message that came up from the Blogger website. I suspect that one of my rogue fingers, bored of being ignored by the part of my brain that controls dexterity, chose to randomly hit a button on the keyboard that did something the website didn't like.
If that last paragraph didn't make sense, allow me to explain: I am an index finger typist - I only use the index finger on each hand to type with. On occasion I use the thumb on my right hand to hit the space bar, but this is a rare occurrence. So while my index fingers are a veritable blur, the other seven digits (remember the thumb that is sometimes used) hang around useless like teenagers at an aptitude test.
I have flirted with touch typing, but found that my cumbersome sausage type fingers (or Cumberland Sausage type fingers if you prefer) are too large for the tiny keys on the average keyboard. I suppose I could invest in a keyboard with larger keys, but this would invariably increase the size of the keyboard, and my desk is already like prime Florida Beachfront - space is hard to come by.
So here I am, a third of the way into my blog (how do I know that? I'm making this up as I go along - this could be three quarters of the way through for all I know. Ah, but that is the beauty of my blog: you never know how long it is going to be. Which makes two of us.) and so far I have managed to write about nothing in particular. To your credit, you are still here too. I guess you must be wondering where all this is going, and to be honest, that is a question I ask myself many a time. The truth? I don't know. What I do know is that for some reason, 'winging' it feels more comfortable than trying to think of something to write about.
I've just seen the time - 18:49. The lorry I am waiting for is taking the preverbial.
But, tomorrow is Friday/Saturday/Sunday/Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/ (Choose whichever day is Chronologically correct at time of reading this). For me it is Friday - and it is Payday, which means I can buy proper food, and go out and socialise. Not with the food I've just bought - I leave that at home, as I get looks.
This weekend I am buying my Brother's Birthday presents. I have already got his Christmas Present, but will not do the rest of my Christmas shopping until I get paid at the end of November. I would tell you what I have bought him, but there is a slim chance that he reads this blog (hello Richard) and I don't want to spoil the surprise. He is 45 years old, but there is still a piece of child inside of him.
Feel free to make up your own politically incorrect joke about that last sentence.
What other exciting things am I doing this weekend, I hear you ask? Well....amongst other things I shall be:
Shaving the hair off my head, clearing my garden of fallen leaves, apples and dead foliage so that it is nice and clear over the winter. I will also be pruning and tying back some unruly plants. I do not have green fingers, so the end result may look more like Gulliver being tied down by the little people of Lilliput. However, I will give it a go.
I will also be doing a good deed, going food shopping, screaming at the telly, housework (boring), practicing my Sign Language (fabulously enjoyable!) and hopefully catching up with some high quality people.
Oh, I will also be making a first attempt at trimming my goatee beard. Quite a lot could go wrong with this as A) I will be using my hair clippers, B) I threw away all the guides (which let you trim at different lengths) as I always clipper the hair on my head as close to the scalp as possible, and C) The only settings on the clippers themselves are "cut" or "thin". I will be going for thin, which will either have no effect or will gouge great swathes of hair off of my chin.
So you see, my weekend will not be without drama.
And on that note, I think I will bring today's blog to an end. it is 19:05 and I still do not hear a lorry pulling into my yard. I am tired, and hungry, and I would like to go home. Rude words our circulating through my mind, but I will not transpose them into my blog.
Once I complete my blog however, I will be screaming these words at the top of my voice whilst smashing my considerable fists into the keyboard I am currently typing on.
But that is not your concern. I will (I hope) have your company on tomorrow's blog.
For now, Adieu......