Monday, 31 October 2011

Coming Up:

A few things that are likely to happen to me over the coming weeks and months:

For some unknown reason, I'll suddenly learn how to smile in pictures and will look quite good in a photo.

The new wiper blade I struggled to fit today will come off during a journey in the rain. I won't be able to stop, and the metal housing will scratch an arc in my windscreen, causing me to have it replaced at considerable expense.

I'll meet a woman in a pub, really hit it off, but then bugger the whole thing up as usual.

As my sign language knowledge increases, I will forgoe my hearing friends in favour of new friends I find within the deaf community. In a somewhat ironic twist, the hearing friends I abandoned will resort to signs of their own when they see me.

I will become obsessed with my goatee beard, spending more and more time on grooming it - ignoring the need to wash the rest of my body, or brush my teeth etc. As a result, I will lose my job and my home, and will live out the rest of my days as an attractive homeless person.

Cameron Diaz will ring me out of the blue, and ask me to meet her for dinner and cocktails. Unfortunately I will never know as I haven't bought the answering machine I promised myself I would.

Okay, so they might not be 'likely'....

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