Monday, 12 September 2011


Well, I don't know what is going on.

You know they say that the right side of your body is controlled by the left side of your brain, and vice versa? Well I am left handed, which would indicate to me that the right side of my brain is the more dominant. However, the more I think about it, the less convinced I am. Working from my head down to my toes, I find a definite lack of consistency........allow me to explain:

The single eyebrow raise. I can do this, no problem with my left eyebrow, but find it virtually impossible to do with my right eyebrow. To get the slightest movement from my right eyebrow takes immense concentration - which ends up with me having a weird vacant expression on my face (not the usual weird vacant expression you have all come to know and love, a different one). I've tried cheating by raising both eyebrows and then just lowering the left one, but I have to shut my left eye in order to get anywhere near the right effect - and the whole point is being able to raise my right eyebrow without any other changes to my face.

Arm strength. All of us has one arm which is stronger than the other. This is especially true if you are an amputee. My stronger arm is my right arm (insert smutty explanation here), even though I am left handed and use my left arm more, as it is connected to my left "busy" hand.

Dexterity. Although I am left handed, I have more dexterity in my right hand than in my left (copy and paste smutty explanation from above here). Do this test: hold both your hands flat above a flat surface - a table, a kitchen worktop, a book, anything will do. Now tap your fingers (whilst keeping them and your hand flat) as fast as you can on the surface. When I do it, my right hand is much faster than my left hand. There is just so much more fluidity of movement in my right hand than in my left, and trying to make my the fingers on my left hand tap faster is a real effort.

Goalkeeping Ability. Believe it or not, I'm quite tasty between the sticks - and if that doesn't sound like an innuendo, I'll give you one. I used to play football, or soccer (pronounced "so-cherr" by American sports commentators) in my youth - both five-a-side and eleven-a-side. My team mates told me I was a  shot stopper - I think so anyway, they wrote that in a letter and I'm not sure if the "o" in shot is actually an "i", the handwriting was terrible. Anyway, for some reason I have always found it easier to dive to my right than to my left, I just had some sort of mental block when I came to diving to my left. Diving to my right - I could do it all day, standing on my head. Actually, that's not true - but you know what I mean.

Sports. Depending on what sport I'm playing, I hold the equipment with a different hand. For example: Cricket - when batting I stand like a right handed batsmen, but when bowling, I bowl with my left hand. Tennis, squash, badminton, table tennis etc. I hold the raquet in my left hand. Darts (it's a sport!) - I hold the darts in my left hand. Snooker - I hold the cue in my right hand. Baseball - right hand. Basketball - control the ball with my left hand. American football (pronounced "rugby for poofs" in England) - I throw the ball with my left hand. Rugby - I find it easier to pass to my left (the power coming from my right hand), than I do to the left.

Feet. I am left footed, and can do wonders with a ball on my old left peg. My right foot is like an epileptic hexagon with a mind of its own.

So as you can see, there is not set rule with me when it comes to which side of my body is strongest or more agile etc. so I don't know which side of my brain is in control. In all honesty, I doubt if either side is - instead they are both unaware of the other half's existence and just sit there going "huh? what?...zzzz.....zzzzz....zzz"

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