Saturday, 3 September 2011

Invention Needs a DNA Test.......and Dirty Creatures Messing Up My Roof Tiles

Spork........and Mindy
They say that Necessity is the mother of Invention, and that is true - up to a point. Not everything that has been invented is truly needed. Take the Spork for example - a piece of cutlery that is both Spoon and Fork. At the time this was invented, we already had both the spoon and the fork, so there was no actual need for a combination of the two. The fact that some people couldn't be bothered to take two pieces of cutlery with them when they went on a picnic, or when they wanted a snack whilst travelling (please tell me that people don't use these at home?) wasn't justification enough. The spork was invented so that someone could make money from it.

So whilst necessity claims to be the mother of invention, there are rumours that say invention looks nothing like necessity, but does bear something of a resemblance to necessity's neighbour, greed. But what of the father or Invention? Who is he? Who slept with Necessity (and possibly greed) and created this child of questionable parentage?

It isn't procrastination - he is the lazy son of Apathy and Frustration, who met on a speed dating night at their local bingo hall. Pro (as he likes to be called) would never have had the drive to seduce necessity (or greed) given the opportunity, he would have promised to do it later but never get round to it.

Nor could it be Caution -  he is far too shy a creature to even talk to a woman, let alone....you know.

In fact it is Inspiration, the go-getting son of Realisation and Appreciation, the young fireball that sadly likes to "inspire" others whenever he can - hence the doubts about Inventions mother. You see, Inspiration and Necessity would create Invention, but so could Inspiration and Greed. I think, in truth, that Inspiration had a 'Menage a Trois' with Necessity and Greed which is why invention comes around for a variety of reasons - not just to fill a need.


So I was at home this morning, doing my housework like a good boy, when I heard this noise coming from my kitchen roof (my kitchen was built as an extension to the original property). It was quite a racket, and my initial thoughts were "who the hell is on my roof!?".
I rushed outside expecting to see some great clod in work boots stomping all over my roof, but instead caught two pigeons "going at it". The moment they saw me, the female flew off - leaving the male pigeon stood of my roof giving me evils. We eyeballed each other for a few moments, before I said "well go on then - sod off!". Yes, I actually shouted at the pigeon. Yes I know how sad that is.
The Pigeon flew off - and as it did I noticed it had a damaged wing. Two of it's feathers were stuck out in a "V" shape.

I assume it was damaged, anyway.

Those pigeons made so much noise that it sounded like they were loosening the tiles. So tomorrow I'm going to borrow a ladder from my neighbour and check out the roof. I'm going to check my guttering anyway, so might as well kill two birds with one stone. If I catch those pigeons again, that is exactly what I will do.

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