Thursday, 11 August 2011

The Venus Fly Curtain - Nature's Deadliest Soft Furnishing.

So here I am sat in my armchair upstairs, on my laptop, registering on the NHS Blood and Transplant new Blood Donor Online service, when I happen to look at my curtains, and think to myself "you know, I really should wash them at some point".
I haven't washed the curtains since I have moved in, and I don't know how long they have been hanging there unwashed beforehand - so it is a fair bet that they need a wash. They are only thin curtains, of a lovely cream and brown colour. As I looked at them, the fading evening light could still be seen through them (the cream bit).
Suddenly, I noticed a black splodge on the curtain nearest to me. It wasn't on the front of the curtain, so it had to be at the back (the power of deduction eh? Move over Sherlock Holmes). I investigated - by feeling the affected area at the back of my curtain with my finger. Like the house rule at a Spearmint Rhino club, nothing could be felt. Which was odd (and a damn shame if you are in a Spearmint Rhino club!).
I looked again at the front of the curtain, and the black mark could definitely be seen, so then I deduced that the mark must be on the inside of the curtain. I grabbed the affected part of the curtain with my thumb and forefinger and could feel a small lump. I gave the lump a gentle squeeze - and heard the crunch of the tiny exoskeleton under great force. Relatively. The black splodge was in fact the body of a dead fly.

I was nearly sick.

Flies are annoying, but don't mind them too much - but I am funny about touching them. The crunching noise it's tiny corpse made as I squeezed it really turned my stomach. Likewise, I hate it when I accidentally step on a snail and crush it's shell. The noise that makes does me in, I really don't like it. In fact, I'm sure that if you put Cameron Diaz naked sitting on two Million pounds in a room with a floor covered in snails, and told me all I had to do was walk over and get them both if I wanted to - I wouldn't be able to do it. I hate it THAT much.

But I couldn't work out why the fly was dead in the curtains. I couldn't see how it got in - there was no way in at the top, and the only way inside the curtain was from the bottom - but the curtains reach the floor with a bit to spare so are crumpled at the bottom which (I would assume) would make it difficult for a fly to get into.
However, a fly obviously did. It crawled up the inside of the curtain, and then was killed as the curtain slowly crushed it to death and digested its inners.

Well that is the only explanation for how the fly could be dead half way up the inside of my curtains - how do you think it happened?

No comments:

Post a Comment