So I was at work today loading a lorry, with the lorry driver in the back of his truck moving the pallets into place with a set of pallet jacks, and me putting the pallets onto the truck with the forklift. When loading a lorry this way (through the back doors), there is always a period of delay where I am waiting for the driver to move a pallet that I have loaded, so that I can load another pallet. So wondered, how to solve this problem........
It all lies in the distance between the truck, and the pallets - and the time it takes for the man on the truck to pull a pallet into place, and return to collect the next. The key is to have the pallets far enough away so that the time it takes the forklift to collect a pallet and load it on the truck is equal (or ever so slightly less) than the time it takes for the man on the truck to put the loaded pallet into place. This time should never change, for as the truck gets loaded and the distance the man pulling the pallets has to move decreases, so the distance the forklift has to move to collect the next pallets increases. So it all depends on where you place your pallets, and how close the truck stops to be loaded. There must definitely be a mathematical equation for this.
And then I thought, "Shut up Larry - it's only loading pallets."
Apparently, there is a new Eco-friendly way of saying goodbye to the deceased. Liquefaction, is the watchword - or Alkaline Hydrolysis, if you prefer. Basically, the body is dissolved in heated alkaline water. The "green" advantage of this new system is t. hat it allows for the safe disposal of dental Amalgam (fillings). In the current method of Cremation, the Mercury in the fillings vaporised account for 16% of the UK's Mercury emissions. So, even after death, you can still do your part for the planet by having yourself dissolved.
Personally, I'm going to be stuffed and left on display in a big glass case (not a big glasses case), for my loved ones to enjoy for years to come.
Sod the planet.
Speaking of saving the planet, there is another way in which we can do our Eco bit: Luminous Urine.
Now bear with me on this one, and think about it. If your pee glows in the dark, you need not have the light on at night. You will save money, electricity, and the planet. And yes, you can really have luminous urine - there is a medical term for it: Photuria - the passing of phosphorescent urine. What I don't know however, is how you get such a condition; there is speculation that it is an after effect of taking certain vitamin supplements, or as a result of a sudden change in diet. For all we know, a local Chicken Tikka Masala might well do the trick.
And if you drink enough fluids, you might be able to illuminate the bathroom long enough for your partner to have a bath, or a shower, or a shave. I mean one of those - not all three.