Tuesday, 16 August 2011

This is My Dog -He's Just Turned Two, But He's Had a Hard Life.....

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button's Dog

Who came up with the idea that in age, one dog year is roughly equal to seven human years? We all know about this theory - but does anybody actual know who came up with it? Or if it was just made up by some bloke?

And if it was made up by some bloke - how did he ensure that people believed him? Normally, if  someone came up to you with a baby and said "It's my Sons first birthday today - he's Seven years old." You would think A) He was mental, and B) He shouldn't really be teaching maths at the local School. So why did people believe it about dogs? A hundred years ago, people didn't question things as much, and maybe the person that made this idea up gave out leaflets - the equivalent of today's posters. There are posters in Vets all over the country showing you how your dog ages - but that still doesn't mean it's true. If it did, I would get a poster made with a chart that showed the further you got away from me, the bigger my penis looked.

We all accept this idea about dogs ageing without question - and I think that is because we are a nation of dog lovers. We spend Billions on our Pets, and Dogs get most of it - because they give us love, and towards the end of their lives all we go on about is how old they are. "Yes, this is my dog - he fifteen you know. Of course in dog years, that's two hundred and seventy seven!"

Or something like that.

But why dogs? Why do we not hear about the ageing ratio between humans and Cats? Or Horses, or Fish, or Bees. Are there secret charts showing that Cats age even faster than dogs - so much so, that they actually regenerate several times over before finally dying at the human equivalent of 781 years old. And this is where we get the expression "a cat has nine lives", because it actually does - every now and then it regenerates its body at the same age but newer - like Doctor Who.

Tortoises for example - some live to be two hundred years old,  so they must be at the other end of the aging spectrum. One Human year is like three months to a tortoise maybe. Which is why they move so slowly - they know it is a marathon and not a sprint.

Maybe the whole dog ageing theory was cooked up by Vets and Pet Health care companies to make money. Oh, your pet is getting old - better buy our product to keep it alive a bit longer. Any of us who own a dog (or any pet) will know how expensive vet bills can be - so it's not out of the realms of possibility that every year the secret annual conference of Veterinary Doctors is held in a secret underground location, where the one and only topic of discussion is "One Dog Year = Seven Human Years - The Fools Still Believe It HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"

I'm just saying, that's all.

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