I get paid on Friday, but until then I have no food that can be combined with anything else to make a meal. Tonight I used up my last bag of Mince and made what I called "What's left in the cupboard" Bolognese. Today's incarnation of this desperate meal was created thus:
- Put Oil in a pan. Add 500g of lean mince and start to cook until brown.
- Whilst the mince is browning, into a jug mix 1 tin of chopped tomatoes, 2 small tins of tomato puree, a dollop of Reggae Reggae sauce, a few squirts of Reggae Reggae Relish, a big squeeze of Hot Dog mustard, a similar squeeze of Heinz Ketchup (it must be Heinz), a heaped teaspoon of English Mustard, a heaped teaspoon of Dijon Mustard, several splashes of Lea & Perrins Worcester Sauce, salt, pepper, Oregano, Chives, Parsley, Paprika, Mixed Herbs, and the juice of 1 Lime. Mix this together, taste, and see if you can avoid vomiting.
- Add this "sauce" to the Browned Mince and leave to simmer for as long as you think it will take for the risk of poisoning to be minimised.
- In the meantime, write out a will and put on three handfuls of Pasta.
- When the Pasta is cooked, remove from heat, cover and leave while you make the mince cook for a little bit longer - just to be on the safe side.
- When you are sure that the mince is a little over cooked, serve over pasta, type the number for the emergency services into your phone ready for you hit "call", and eat.
If I live that long.
For similar recipes, please see my latest cook book titled "Larry's Kitchen of Death"
Of course, once I get paid normal service will be resumed, and I will be back to eating proper meals that can't potential kill me.