Sunday, 24 July 2011

Crocs With Socks....and Beware The Hummingbird of Fear!!!

 I've just come back after nipping out to get some inspiration for my blog.

 Actually, that's not strictly true - I nipped out for some chocolate (there's a suprise), and hoped that in the time it would take me to walk to the shops and back, an idea would pop into my head like an alcoholic into an off-license - swiftly.

And would you believe it, it did! As a matter of fact, I was visited by the Penguin of Inspiration (I'll come back to him later on) before I even left the house. And please be advised that as I type this, several other ideas have sprung into my mind as a result of which, this post may be longer than originally planned.

But for the moment, back to my inspiration. I decided to not bother to put my trainers on for the walk to the shops, but instead to wear my crocs. Nothing wrong with that I hear you say - but would your opinion change if I told you that I was wearing socks with them?
My Crocs
I am well aware of the "Socks and Sandals" rule, but don't know if the same applies for crocs. So I took a chance, and went out in my crocs with socks on.
(Gasps of horror and disbelief from people reading this).
 I didn't feel "wrong" walking about in public with my socks in my crocs - but then the inevitable happened. When I went into the shop to but the chocolate, I almost walked into another customer - a customer that was wearing crocs - but no socks!! I looked at his crocs, with the pink of his skin showing through the holes, and he looked at mine, with the blackness of my socks seemingly oozing out of them. The look that that man gave me said it all. He was disgusted. I doubt  he could have looked at me worse if I had crapped in his coffee. Of course, no words were exchanged. None were needed. I simply turned away, paid for my chocolagte and hurried home. The moment I got in I kicked off the crocs, and have left them upturned and abandoned on the kitchen floor. I now know what a mistake I made, and will never make that mistake again.

I am looking at my socks as I type this, and have noticed that they are odd. I have taken a picture of them for you to illustrate the fact. I am not quite sure how this has happened. I mean I know why I am wearing odd socks - it is because I am colour blind, and in the early morning light with my bleary, half awake vision, the toes of these socks looked the same colour. However, these are not just socks with different coloured toes - they are Simpsons days of the week socks. Somehow I have managed to put a "Sunday" sock (on the left) with a "Monday" sock (I don't need to tell you which sock that one is, do I?). In theory, I should have paired these socks up by the day of the week, but for some reason I opted to trust my flawed colour recognition system.

Whenever I tell someone that I am colourblind, they always start questioning me about the colour of everyday objects, without waiting to find out which colours I have trouble with. You see, being colour blind doesn't mean that you can't see any colour, just that you have trouble with one or two. In my case, it is red and green. And I don't have trouble all the time - just on the odd occasion when a patch of grass might look red, or the red toe of a sock might look green. Inspite of this, the moment I say "I'm colourblind", people start saying "What colour is my car?" or "What colour is the sea?". It really gets tiresome. I'm not BLIND, just colour blind - and then only rarely, and only with green and red. Never once have I cut myself, seen the blood and thought "shit! I'm an alien!".

Earlier, I mentioned the Penguin of Inspiration. Many of you, will not be familiar with this bird, so allow me to explain his existence.
Originally, there was only one emotion associated bird - the Bluebird of Happiness. For years and years this bird was referred to in everyday conversation, and popular culture. But then, ornithologists  started associating other emotions with other species of bird. The next bird to find recognition was the Chicken of Depression, which became so famous as to be included in a cartoon by the renowned cartoonist Gary Larson:
And since then, scientists (not ornithologists - they gave up after the Chicken) have gone on to associate more and more emotions and similar feelings with birds. To date, the list includes the following:
  • The Penguin of Inspiration
  • The Flamingo of Embarrassment
  • The Cuckoo of Jealousy
  • The Bird of Paradise of Arrogance
  • The Puffin of Anger
  • The Ostrich of Apathy
  • The Eagle of Pride
  • The Swan of Vanity
  • The Hummingbird of Fear
  • The Turkey of Greed

The list goes on for quite some time, and at some point or another in our lives, we may be visited by one, some or all of the birds listed above.

All except the ostrich of Apathy - I doubt that bird will bother showing up.

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