Thursday, 26 May 2011


Let me get straight to the point: Who the hell invented coffee whitener? Furthermore, who thought that it could possibly be a good idea?

I do like a cup of coffee. But I like it with milk. No sugar - for obvious reasons - but with milk. And in a cup or a mug preferably, as using my hands has a number of drawbacks:

Volume - I can't fit as much liquid in my hands as would fit in a cup or a mug.
Spillage - the gaps between my fingers and the lack of a lip around the edges of my hands means that the coffee slips out very easily, usually down my top.
Scalding - boiled water is hot!

At work, we don't have brand name coffee, we have Lidl own label stuff. I think this months coffee is called "Monte Santos", and is in itself an acquired taste. Nonetheless, over time my pallet (and the lining of my stomach, not to mention my bowels) has become accustomed to the taste - so much so that I can just about manage a cup of black coffee - but only when we are out of milk.
So guess what? today we were out of milk. In fact we had been out of milk for a couple of days. Only myself and one other person has milk in their coffee - the boss and his missus both have it black, so they are not bothered if there is milk there or not. Anyway, two straight days of black coffee was beginning to get on my nerves, when I opened up a cupboard looking for something when I saw a packet of coffee whitener.
My spirits soared as I spooned a couple of ......erm spoonfuls into my coffee, and stirred it. The dark liquid was transformed into a creamy brown elixir that just cried out to be drunk, so I lifted the mug to my lips and took a mouthful........

You know some people describe something that tastes nice as being like a party in their mouth? Well at the party I was tasting, half my furniture had been stolen, all my valuables had either been smashed or set alight, and someone had left a floater in the fish tank. I don't know what they make coffee whitener out of, but in this instance it actually made the coffee taste worse than it was without it!!! It really was the most awful thing I have tasted - and I cook for myself! I am never having coffee whitener again. NEVER.

It was that bad, it made my plain Ryvita taste good.

Yes, I eat Ryvita. I eat it for lunch along with a cup-a-soup. Every day. Why? It's a sort of diet thing. I usually take four Ryvita, one cup-a-soup, a banana, and an apple to work everyday, and then have a proper meal when I get home.
I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but I find that there is an almost incomprehensible gap between the taste of plain Ryvita, and the taste of Ryvita with something on it. I buy the "Dark Rye" Ryvita (because it is cheapest - 88p a packet, as opposed to £1.09), and it is hard going eating it as it is. But even with just clover on it (other buttery type spreads are available), it tastes much better, and I can quite happily munch through six pieces no problem. The difference the butter makes is incredible. You could say it makes the un-edible, incredible!

But why would you, when I just have?

Tomorrow if Friday, and payday - yippee!!! Thus means I can do a proper grocery shop. I've got lots to buy - both food and non food items, and I expect that I will go over my weekly budget of £40. But it needs to be done. I shall make a "necessity" list, based on what I really do need to get, and what I want too get in order to be able to cook the meals I want to next week. Next week will be a week of firsts; I will be attempting new recipes (as in recipes that I haven't tried before), and I might even take myself out of my comfort zone a wee bit. And no, I don't mean that I will try cooking from a great height - I will try a food that I have never tried before.

Tomorrow I am also going to pick up my bike from my ex-girlfriend's house, as I want to take advantage of the lighter evenings and get a bit of exercise after work.

See? It's all coming together nicely - like the participants at a friendly orgy.

No comments:

Post a Comment