Monday, 30 May 2011

Food Roulette, and The Headache Caused By Controlling The Galaxy

I've never been afraid to experiment with food. I don't mean in a sexual way - you'll never catch me in bed with an Aubergine and a tin of Golden Syrup.  No, I'm talking about in the kitchen, and in terms of meal / snack preparation.
A few of the culinary ideas that I have tried, and (I think) have worked are:

  • Chocolate spread and Peanut Butter in a sandwich
  • Tuna Mayonnaise with chopped peppers mixed in
  • Cheese and Marmite in a sandwich
  • Adding Marmite and gravy granules to a bolognese

And today, I have added to this list, by trying sliced beetroot in a sausage sandwhich. And it works - in fact, it was bloody gorgeous! Now, I will admit that these things I have tried may not be original, and may not sound very tasty - but I urge you (I'm urging as I type) to try them, or find your own variation on a classic theme. You never know, you might just stumble across a taste sensation.

Of course, you might also just stumble to the toilet with the most god awful stomach cramps. At this point you need to be aware that I cannot be held responsible for any illness incurred on your part by trying something new, and any complaints will be ignored. I will admit, this is a little like Russian Roulette, except with food and not bullets.

It has been raining ever since I woke up - not literally, I'm not suggesting that today's rainfall began the exact same second this morning that I opened my eyes, yawned, and scratched myself in......well, that's not important right now. What is important is the fact that I have not been able to go out on the walk I had hoped to do today. Technically I still could have gone as I have a coat with a hood as well as waterproof trousers and wellingtons, but I didn't fancy it. So I have been stuck in doors bored - and that is where the trouble starts.

You see, when I'm bored I start to think - not about normal everyday stuff like, when is my next electricity bill due, or how much do I need to save to buy a decent suit? No, I start contemplating things like: How stressful must it have been for the Death Star's HR and other departments during the fight between the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance?

Think about it - the Death Star must have an infrastructure. Eddie Izzard talks about the Death Star Canteen in this video:

Going on from that, there must have been a Personnel department - a HR team at least. You couldn't have that number of people on a space station that size without someone making sure that all the shifts were covered, meeting rooms got cleaned etc. And it couldn't have been easy running the Death Star - I know that Darth Vader supposedly ran the Death Star, but he was just the corporate face of the empire - he got wheeled out for the annual conference, or the opening of a new base somewhere, but he never actually ran the Death Star. What you never see in any of the films is the dedicated teams of P.A's, Administrators, accountants, Marketing people, the legal team - to name just a few. The would have had to have been a whole army of people just to keep the Death Star running smoothly.
And like I said, it couldn't have been easy managing that many people - we all know or have worked with people that are team players, and have worked with people who aren't team players. And there must have been people like that on the Death Star - a Tie Fighter pilot on his lunch break when the call comes for all pilots to get to their fighters, who refuses to drop everything and rush into battle because he is "entitled to a one hour lunch break, and I will not go back until I have had my full hour". You know the types.
Also - What if the attack on the Death Star in Star Wars Episode IV "A New Hope", happened on a Bank Holiday? Along with organising the extra staff, there would have been double time and a day of lieu to sort out for everyone asked to work that day. Admittedly, no-one got to see the extra money or enjoy the day off later, as the Death Star was destroyed - but these things have to be taken into consideration.
And what about the PR people? They had their hands full right from the off. Can you imagine the meeting held the day after Alderaan was destroyed? How do you put a positive spin on something like that?

All I'm saying is that there had to be a logistical side of things behind the Death Star, and it must have been a nightmare keeping track of all the staff that died when the Death Star was destroyed. There would have been the final pay cheque to send to the family of the deceased, and then the cost of advertising for a replacement - not to mention the training costs etc.
Maybe the Empire didn't bother; after all, their record on human (and alien) rights was pretty poor. So they probably didn't care too much about who died and who didn't. And as for the cost of the Death Star itself,  for all we know the Death Star might have been tax deductible, so when it was destroyed they just claimed it all back.

The people with the real power in Star Wars didn't have lightsabers, or a blaster, or could pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose - they had clipboards and calculators.

It's true!

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