Wednesday, 18 May 2011


When I find the sod that wrote "sod's law" I'm going to punch him firmly in the face - and probably break my hand.

Why is it that the day after I cut my fingernails, every roll of packing tape I pick up at work has a hidden end that I just can't find.

Why do I take the time to place my dinner plate on a tray to avoid spilling it as I carry it to where I am going to eat - only to slop my first mouthful down my t-shirt?

Why was I only told a few years ago that the girl I had a secret crush on at school, also had a crush on me?

Why is there a direct connection between the increasingly desperate need for the toilet I feel as I walk home from work and the steady lessening of the dexterity in my fingers, so that on a regular basis I don't know what will be opened first - the door to my home, or my bladder.

Why don't we know what we have got until it's gone?

Whose is the voice in our heads as we head off to the airport at the start of our foreign holiday that asks whether we locked the front door, and turned everything off?

Why did I, as a child, try to pressure myself into scoring that goal or getting that basket, or throwing the paper ball in the bin by saying things like "If I don't get this, then my mum's arms will fall off", or "If I miss, my whole family will die in a horrible biscuit accident" ?

Why am funnier spontaneously, than if I try to plan it?

Why did I think writing this for today's blog would work?

If a vampire bat cuts itself, could it then suck itself dry of its own blood?

Why does "Ambiguity" have a definition?

Is a sound only a sound if it can be heard?

What if life is just a practice run, and the serious stuff happens after death?

If ignorance is bliss, why must we know so much?

Why is it that the only two people to ever have a "mobile" were Batman, and the Pope?

Where are all the pens we lose each and every day?

When looking for something, why do we return to the spot we checked earlier - even though we know what we are looking for isn't there?

Why is "Abbreviation" such a long word?

If the grass is greener on the other side, by the time you get there won't the grass where you have come from now technically be on the other side, and therefore look greener?

Why do we wait until it is too late to say sorry?

Why am I six and a half feet tall, and scared of heights?

Why do we never want to hear the truth, but always think everyone else should?

If bees make honey, do earwigs make chutney?

Can you have poor circulation and high blood pressure? Wouldn't the high blood pressure force the blood round your body, improving circulation?

And Finally.....

What if all the ifs, buts, and maybes in the world were turned into a simple "yes."?

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