Sunday, 3 April 2011

Death Enforced Pairings, and Bed Time Stories

My Sister used to have two cats. She got them at the same time, and gave them a pairs name - Rhythm and Blues.
This was, or  is I assume, a common choice of name whenever two pets are purchased; Rhythm and Blues, Bubble and Squeak, Whisky and Soda, Salt and Pepper, Breaking and Entering - all of these have been used as names for Hamsters, Gerbils, Kittens, Goldfish, Lizards, Terrapins and many other popular pets.
Often, the purchase of one pair of pets will lead to the purchase of another pair of pets, so you might have two goldfish, and two hamsters for example. However, this can lead to problems as very often these small animals do not last long, especially in the care of children, and one of the pairs may die.
Which is why, in many households up and down the country, children are left with bizarre pairings such as Pepper and Squeak, Whisky and Blues, Rhythm and Entering.
Surely the answer would be to give your original pair of pets random sounding names - but names that would work better in the event of one of each pair dying? If I had children, and they had the inevitable double pairings of pets, I would ensure that they called them Hammer and Chicken, and Chips and Nails for example. That way, when the inevitable trip to Hamster Heaven occurs, or one of the goldfish is discovered floating upside down in the bowl, at least my children will be left with Chicken and Chips, or Hammer and Nails, which would surely ease the pain of the other pets demise?.

And if that doesn't work out, I'll simply rename the pets.

Bedtime Stories - do they still exist? Do Parents still read a story to their young children after tucking them up in bed, or are they left to watch telly or play on Nintendo DS? I'm only curious, as I appreciate how busy our lives have all become these days - let alone how busy the lives of parents of small children (and I don't mean midgets) must be.
I freely admit that I imagine my life through rose tinted glasses - if I ever have children, I would read them a bedtime story every night without fail. We'd all have breakfast together - Me, my lingerie model wife, and our perfect two children. Every day would be full of love, laughter, and not a hint of anything less than wonderful.

Yes, yes, I should have gone to Specsavers.

At the very least, I would hope that I would want to read to my children every night. And not just read in my own voice - I'd do all the character voices and everything, and sound effects. I'd be so good, my kids would misbehave on purpose, just so they could be sent to bed early, and get to hear the story sooner. Of course, they wouldn't get a story because they had been naughty - serves them right for trying to be clever.

I'm actually bringing out my own book of parenting techniques, which you might be interested in reading. I've called it: "SHUT UP! DADDY'S TALKING!!!"

It's been a very nice day today - although I have spent all of it indoors. I say all of it indoors, I have gone out into the garden to put out/bring in washing, so I have got some fresh air. I'm going out later on - on work business. Our Indian supplier (that is our supplier who is Indian, not our supplier who supplies us with Indian food - we don't have one of those) is visiting us and I am meeting him and my boss in the pub. It's a hard life......

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