I've done it again - stuffed my fat face, and it's not over yet. There's a 400g bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk chilling in my fridge waiting to be devoured in the first six minutes of the Real Madrid vs Tottenham Hotspur match tonight. I've already had a bag of Kettle Chips, two cheese and pickle rolls, and sausages in rice covered in soup - Chicken soup (I didn't look at the flavour until it was in the pan).
I don't want you to think that this is a regular occurrence - it is, but I just don't want you to think that. This food rampage was brought on by a general feeling of "Sod it". Those of you who have been reading my blog will know that this condition can be triggered by a variety of things; my proximity to a shop, the day of the week, if I'm awake - but whatever the reason, it always leads to a large calorie intake.
And today the catalyst was very simply, my mood. It's definitely been a day of two halves - the morning was fine even though the weather was rubbish, and the afternoon, although better weather wise, was not a good one for me.
But what could have changed your mood so much., I hear you cry?
I said, but what could have changed your mood so much, I HEAR YOU CRY.
That's better - don't muck me about.
Well, I'll tell you. At lunchtime I popped home to unblock my drain, which was backing up horribly. You may remember in a recent blog I told you that I had run out of toilet paper, and was forced to improvise and use kitchen towel. Actually, I wasn't forced to use kitchen towel - I did have cotton buds available, but that would have taken ages, and I didn't fancy the idea of that.
Basically, the kitchen towel I had used a few days earlier didn't want to leave home and decided to block up my drain. I didn't want to go to my landlord and get him to sort it out, as it was a blockage of my own making (if you'll excuse the hideous mental picture). I even know someone in the drainage business - but wanted to sort this out myself.
So, I bought myself a set of drain rods, and nipped home at lunchtime to expel the beast. I have to say, it was one of the most unpleasant jobs I've ever had to do - the smell, the sight - it wasn't pretty. And in spite of wearing gloves, and thoroughly washing my hands afterwards, I couldn't completely get rid of the smell. It took a good 20 minutes to get the job done, but the smell lingered for ages afterwards. Before I went back to work, I washed my hands three times, and saturated them with aftershave just to mask any chance of odour. Perhaps the smell was there, perhaps it wasn't, or maybe it was in my mind, but I thought I could still smell it.
And that is why I was not in too good a mind set this afternoon - being conscious of the fact that I smelt awful.On top of that, we've got some minor headaches with customers too. Which is why I'm about to ram 400g of chocolate down my throat. And yes, my hands are clean (although I do keep checking!!)
As horrible as unblocking the drain was, I'm glad I did it. You see, I've never been any good at the practical side of things, and have always had friends who have done DIY and that sort of thing without batting an eyelid. I feel like I've been left behind in this sort of thing, and only now am I trying to catch up.
To be honest, it makes me feel a little inadequate. I know this is a stereotype, but haven't men always been looked upon as "do-ers", fixers of things? Well up to now I haven't been - I haven't done decorating, I've never built anything, or put up a shelf, nothing. I feel I should be able to do these things, and just because I never took an interest in this sort of stuff, doesn't mean I shouldn't know some stuff.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not expecting to become a DIY whizz overnight, but I'd like to be able to handle most domestic situations (in the DIY sense - I learnt long ago that I'll never handle domestic situations involving a woman, it's far easy to admit I'm wrong.)
Maybe this is to do with relationships. Maybe I'm trying to make myself more attractive to members of the opposite sex? Don't women want a man that is useful around the home? I've been in relationships where I couldn't be relied on, and I don't want t feel like that again. I want to feel like a man in a relationship, so I am working to improve the skills that will make me a more attractive "total package". Yes, stunning good looks, a great sense of humour, and a big heart are all a big plus - but it's not all.
So am I saying that I spent a good deal of my lunch poking around in poo because it will make me more attractive to women? Apparently so!
So, I have drain rods, I have a screwdriver set, I have WD40. I will be a hands-on phobic no more.
There's a long list of self improvement for me to work through - but it's for my own good, and I'm looking forward to ticking things off that list.
Right - time for Chocolate!